Yesterday I broke the news to our next door neighbors: the sweetest cat in the complex moved away a couple of weeks ago.
They were out of town when it happened and were wondering where she went. All the neighbors I talked to were sad that she and the other black cat at her place left. Even people across the street and people walking their dog through the neighborhood wondered where she was and were sad when I told them she had moved. She was the best. I first talked about her here and she made it in this photo shoot, too.
I called her Onyx, the next-door neighbors called her Mable, but I found out recently that her real name was Maybe. Yes, as in kinda. Weren’t they so close to her real name?
In June my friend pulled a tarot card for me to represent me this summer, it was Queen of Wands. When I saw it, I said, “That’s me playing with flowers and hanging out with Onyx!” and would’ve gladly done just that. Oh, what a fantastic illusion I wish my life was sometimes…
For a cat, she was surprisingly sociable and companion-like. She would sit next to me when I read or gardened and demand pets. When you stopped, she would look intently in your eyes, cock her head, reach out her paw to touch your hand and give a single questioning meow?
When I found out she moved, I was heartbroken.
Upset for days, crying, posting on Facebook about it (I only post about 3 times a year, so you know it was bad), dreaming about her, reminiscing about her with the neighbors who let her in often to snuggle. She had a special blanket on my couch and liked to make a nest in my closet and purr like mad. I thought she was pregnant (her belly was bumpy) and was going to have kittens in there, and I was pleased.
I think the reason I am so sad is because she brought me so much comfort when I was worn out to a frazzle. Her sweetness was a source of strength. To have it disappear reveals a vulnerability I had but didn’t have to face until it was gone. Yet her passing presence reminds me that true strength is within myself and a higher power, and that those around me are not the source but a reflection of it.
Flowers fade and cats move away, and we get sad when things and creatures we love move on.
Perhaps you are wondering my I don’t just get my own cat since I obviously have a hankering for one that wasn’t mine and moved away. I find myself wondering this from time to time, in all honesty. But Rob isn’t into house cats and honestly I don’t want one either right now. As a non-cat owner I am litter box adverse.
And maybe it’s that Onyx was just that special.